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2002-03-17 18:32:05 ]

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I guess this ought to be in here. In need of some serious proofing.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Tue, 7 Aug 2001 15:06:52 -0500 (EST)
From: cdent@burningchrome.com
Subject: Re: BAM!-o-gram : Boong Ga! Boong Ga!


Hi! How are you?

I send you this BAM!-o-gram in order to have your advice
(All your base are belong to us) :


I'll assume at this point that you, by your continued participation in
this conversation agree to an implicity non-disclosure agreement
pursuant to the agreement already made by participation in Bamogram
LLC.

Ah, this is fabulous. I'm gathering them all for future use. My
lawyers will contact you with generous royalty deals once funding has
been secured. I am confident that there is a great future for the
OniT and the future can only be brighter with the help of the many
great men and women assembled here to bring humanity ass first into
the future.

Is anyone good with 3D modeling software? I think it's high time to
begin our funding search and for that we need four color glossies and
a flash laden website to induce market earthquakes.

The model should be of a standard (small) butt plug shape, smooth for
easy entry and removal (the OniT may be removed and placed in a
cradle for data dumping, recharge and sanitation), with a flange to
prevent accidently ingestion.

The base needs a slot for a small memory stick (like those on the
newer Palms) and what amounts to an accesory hook where fashion and
fetish addons may be attached. At this time the primary option being
considered is a tail made from real horse tail hair.

Near the top of the OniT at what would be the back when it was properly
inserted should be a small flat extension which contains the vibrating
surface. This will abut the base of the spine. When using the OniT as
a phone this is how you will hear (our secret labs are hard at work on
this). The built in OniT alarm system will also use this vibration
pad. Networked OniT "games" will of course use this feature.

In addition to these features, the model will also need a small
microphone with transmitter. Several ideas are being considered for
this option. One is simply a cap for a tooth or two or three which
will contain the microphone and a small power transmitter. The OniT
will pick up these transmission for instructions and phone calls.

Another option is an approximately 35 foot long cord of indigestible
material which will be swallowed by the customer. One end has the
microphone, the other end plugs into the OniT.

Researchers tell me it should be possible to harvest vibrations off
the skeletal sub-structure and feed them to OniT for communication
but this work is slow going. Down the road we expect to be able to
read electrical emissions off the spine and decode micromotive
instructions from the nervous system but, again, this work is not
progressing as rapidly as we had planned.

It is interesting to not that while the OniT has the definite air of
an invasive piece of technology it has been designed from the outset
to cause the least sense of encumbrance while staying away from
surgical procedures. When the ultimate OniT has finally been created
the customer will be able to use it for all their information
interaction without surgery, without privacy invading gestures or
vocalizations, and with the ever present option of removing the device
at any time.

I thank you for your participation.

On Tue, 7 Aug 2001, Mr. Stan M. Gerbig wrote:

>
> Hi! How are you?
>
> I send you this BAM!-o-gram in order to have your advice
> (All your base are belong to us) :
>
>
> On 7/8/2001, Mr. Stan M. Gerbig grumbled :
>
> > On 7/8/2001, Josh Walgenbach grumbled :
>
> >> On Tue, 7 Aug 2001, Mr. Stan M. Gerbig wrote:
>
> >>> your thoughts or suggestions?
>
> >> Onit: The World's First Data Suppository
>
> >> Onit: It's in there.
>
> >> Onit: Who's Onit? Jeremy's Onit! Who's Onit? Chris's Onit! Who's
> >> Onit? <Actual celebrity>'s Onit!
>
> >> Onit Inside
>
> > this is forwarded from Jpax :
>
> > Onit - it blocks what's for dinner
>
> > These are mine...
>
> > Onit, sometimes a cigar isn't just a cigar.
>
> > which reminds me... I think the different models of Onit should be
> > labeled / sized like cigars... cordoba, el presidente, el dorado,
> > etc.
>
> > Onit, ribbed for your pleasure.
>
> > Onit, zoom zoom zoom.
>
> > Mister owl, how many licks does it take to get to the... never
> > mind.
>
> > Onit, it just keeps going, and going, and going, and going...
>
> > I don't wanna make money, I just love to sell Onits.
>
> The Onit. It's the right thing to do, and the right way to do it.
>
> Onit. Indians call it maize.
>
>
>
> See you later. Thanks
>
> --
> The preceding message was a BAM!-o-gram (tm), brought to you by
> El Cato Enterprises, a division of El Cato de Pancakes Internacionale.
>
> Dance monkey! DANCE!! <You have no chance to survive make your time!>
>

-- 
Chris Dent  <cdent@burningchrome.com>  http://www.burningchrome.com/~cdent/


See you later. Thanks
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